Sex in Marriage

Pastor Steve Van Nattan

Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled:"

1. Whatever a husband and wife do in their bed chamber without shame is allowed.

How can I say this? Simply because God made no laws or codes regarding sexual positions and methods. We can learn some important answers to troubling questions by noting what God does NOT talk about.

I have heard that a man is not to come to his wife from behind like a dog. I could not find this in the Old Testament. Maybe it is there in some wording I cannot find, so if you know what I am talking about, send me the reference. Otherwise, we must not judge one another in these things, nor do preachers have any business telling couples what kind of sexual pleasure they can indulge.

Of course, some men AND women do discuss these things outside of their marriages. This is wicked and must stop at once. While Solomon and his wife discussed their love for each other, there was no audience. I am sick of seeing husbands and wives acting out affection for each other at the church house. I have to assume that this is because they are NOT getting along at home. If that is not the reason, then they are filthy exhibitionists and should be publicly rebuked. The church house is NOT the bed chamber of the saints, so foreplay by married couples in church is blasphemy.

I once had an older Christian man tell me his son-in-law was a nasty jerk. He told me the guy, "Doesn't know which end to use." Well, I don't exactly know what that means to him, but two things are clear. First, the young husband's wife was talking to Daddy too much. This would destroy the family life of the extended family from then on. Secondly, the young husband was not showing consideration for his wife. She felt shame at whatever he was doing, and he should have learned to settle for what made her happy. Shame is a powerful way to destroy a lady's sexual pleasure.

2. God discouraged sex during a woman's monthly period.

Leviticus 15:24, "And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean."

Leviticus 20:18, "And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people."

God knows that there is either an emotional moment here which will cause trouble for the wife, or there is a physical hazard, or both. The lady's discharge of blood and an old egg is a kind of elimination principle. This should be honored as such by the husband, and the lady allowed to keep her troubles to herself at this time.

3. Sex was not to be denied between a couple for very long.

1 Corinthians 7:4-5, "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

This wipes out all the pious and lofty reasons for a man to hit the road as a truck driver or evangelist and leave his wife at home. God does not allow for it. If you disobey, you are wicked. Either take your wife along, or stay at home, buster.

4. It is not honorable to leave work and obligations to other men to have sex if those men are abstaining.

2 Samuel 11:11, "And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing."

Arab men, who are acting as host to a large dinner feast, will sometimes excuse themselves, go to their wife, have sex, and then return to finish their meal with their guests. This is the result of the emphasis of the libido in Islamic cultures and the Arab notion of virility. When a man or woman have guests, or if a task in progress, it is the height of crudeness to leave to have sex while others carry on with the matters at hand. We have heard of this, and it is the love life of adult brats.

5. God meant sex to be a pleasure, even without the consideration of childbirth resulting.

The Song of Solomon deals with a married couple (Song of Solomon 3:11; 5:1).

Song of Solomon 1:2,13, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. A bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts."

Proverbs 5:19, "Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love."

Song of Solomon 7:8-10, " also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine, and the smell of thy nose like apples; And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak. I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me."

Our modern culture being different than Solomon's, you men might want to be careful about repeating this to your wife, about the smell of her nose that is. But every wife gets delight from knowing her husband is ravished by her breasts. I also note that there is a lot about sexual delight in Song of Solomon, but nothing about having babies. God gave sex to man for pleasure, with or without babies. This is why married couples enjoy sex anytime of the month, while nearly all animals need to be stimulated by monthly cycles in the female. You are NOT an animal, as some jerk evolutionists would like to believe.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2, "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

Husbands or wives who are not stimulated by touching have a problem. I suggest reading Song of Solomon together and acting out the scenes. If a young lady has had warped up-bringing by parents who dirtied sex, this may be needed on the honeymoon. It would be a useful Bible reading experience any time for any married couple.


If you are married, ENJOY! That's an order :-)

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